Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
