i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
