I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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