Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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