There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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