I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
