The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
