We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
