it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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