why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
