well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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