One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
