My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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