oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
