so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
