Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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