his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
