my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
