did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
