She is in my trunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
