Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
