At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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