My first STD was from a foam party
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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