hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
