my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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