im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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