How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
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I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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