all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
