Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
