This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
