drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
