he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
