How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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