Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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