she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
not ubering you a puppy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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