Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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