Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
