In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
