I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize