I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
