dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
