he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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