shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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