They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
