This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
