my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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