This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
