Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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