I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
