it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
