I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
