My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
