I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
