highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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