Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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