My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
