I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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