You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize