dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
