Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize