Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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