can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
