Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
